Peeling layers

For some time now, I have felt the calling to share my experiences and realisations through either writing or making some videos.

The last few days I have been reading a few posts on facebook around organisations, their teachers and gurus coming out in not such great light. There are stories of abuse of power at many levels, students and followers being hurt. There are many layers to this and I do not intend to go any deeper for now. However, reading these posts and some of the discussion that followed, has reminded me that this has been happening for a while and that I have been sharing with some friends that I believe that it is a time in the history of the world that teachers and gurus are falling off their pedestals.

In tandem, and sometimes due to the effect of the fall of the Gurus/Teachers, I believe that I have been observing both for myself and others, the calling to look within for our own answers.

Following another post from someone on facebook, I was reminded of this and suddenly my reflective journal practice was taken over by a message. I published this message on my last post.

Making public my theory or sensing on subjects like the one on my last post, is quite the nerve wrecking experience. I notice that I have been shying away from publishing anything like this, unless it comes from a very particular personal experience.

I have a fear of saying something controversial. I have a fear of saying something wrong. I have a fear of being judged as fluffy and without depth. I have a fear of people attacking my view. I have a fear of confrontation online and in person. (There is a lot of meaty stuff to unpack here)

So many times I shy away from commenting on facebook posts, and when I do, I make it as bland as possible. The majority of times I do not say anything. I sometimes do not agree with what is being said but fear that I am not able to adeptly put my arguments forward and just make no sense.

I save my passionate arguments and opinions to close friends, with whom I feel comfortable enough to share my theories and views of the world. In particular on issues that I feel strongly about or that I have had personal insights about.

These ideas/messages/insights/theories pop up from a myriad of experiences. They are like messages that just feel so right for me. They make so much sense. They can be about the relationship between the masculine and feminine, or about the emotions and the feminine, they are about many other things I have an interest in. I share them with very few people and I hardly ever share them publicly.

These ideas and theories do not come out of any book written by anyone of eminence, they do not come from listening to a particular teacher, they do not come from attending a specific workshop, I have not been given a certificate confirming that I am now able to share wisdom online. Although they sometimes are sparked from these too.

They come from a mishmash of experiences: random conversations both with friends and strangers, moments of inspiration when journalling, in my quiet time practice, during movement, reading on social media, while doing self healing. They come unannounced and unexpectedly, sometimes while I am relaxed others when I am experiencing catharsis.

I have recently written a very short story or poem, I do not know what to call it, about the Masculine and the Feminine. I haven’t published it yet. I have been giving myself excuses not to publish but now I understand why I feel the reluctance. So this piece of writing will show up soon. It is time.

Time for me to show up differently and to stop hiding parts of myself. I wonder what other parts are lurking around waiting to be able to come out fully. I can think of a couple.

All in due time.