Sharing openly from the heart. Looking Trauma in the eye.
A poem about the pressure of having to be happy for Christmas. How in the past I have had to pretend to be what I thought others expected of me during this season and how this year I am spending Christmas on my own. Not for the first time, but with more intention to be me, in whatever way that may be.
Read MoreThis is a short poem about one of the many aspects of trauma recovery. Noticing things in the body, finding words to name them and describe them.
Read MoreWhen I can’t sleep, sometimes, I write poetry. This is what happens When Sleep Does Not Come.
Read MoreI seem to be missing time at the moment. Like there isn’t enough of it. Like I keep filling it with things that I’m not sure I am supposed to do. Like I have no purpose with my time. Like my time does not belong to me.
I’m sure this is a very relatable feeling. As I’m hitting the keyboard with these words, an idea starts building in my head that maybe the reason why I feel like my time does not belong to me, is exactly because it doesn’t. Because I am filling that time with things I don’t want to do but force myself to do because I feel I ‘need’ to do them.
Read MoreI have no idea of what you think of angels, and I didn’t use to think much about them, but it is events like this that make me believe that there are some angels on this earth and Tom was one of them.
This whole conversation took only a couple of minutes, but at the end of it, I had a massive smile on my face and I was so so grateful. I was pulled out of a series of negative and low type of thoughts. I was lifted by this man’s openness and bright spirit.
Read MoreShe beckoned me to her, showed me how my body could easily lean into her and inspired a poem.
Read More‘What about me?’ This question popped into my mind several times in my life.
I am giver. I spent a lifetime giving my love, attention, energy, to work and people. I gave, again and again, and there would be times, when I would somehow stop and ask myself: ‘What about me?’
——
This is the first part of a two part post. A before and after account of what has changed in me. How I became aware of the many aspects of being me and what it means in practice to become aware, the transformation and the benefits.
Read MoreI was walking back from the seaside, noticing how light and relaxed my body felt when suddenly this line came to my head: ‘I walk in beauty’. It made so much sense and that sentence fitted perfectly with how I felt in that moment.
I felt beautiful because I could sense my body walking following its natural relaxed movement, I felt super soft inside, my legs had a relaxed certainty about them, my arms were dangling in what felt like the perfect movement, I was standing tall without any conscious effort, I had a smile on my face and I felt beautiful.
Read MoreI still remember what it felt like to return to work after only finally getting used to being off during the Christmas and New Year break. I also remember how in 2015 in particular, returning to work felt worst than ever. In the previous months I had been meeting and socialising with quite a few people who worked for themselves and did not have a particular fixed daily schedule. I remember really wanting this for me too. To be my own boss and have the flexibility to choose what I did with each day.
Read MoreI had prepared a nice graphic with the 'normal' and expected Merry Christmas and Happy New Year message and was about to write something but nothing felt honest and authentic within me. So here is what came up…
Read MoreMaking public my theory or sensing on subjects like the one on my last post, is quite the nerve wrecking experience. I notice that I have been shying away from publishing anything like this, unless it comes from a very particular personal experience.
I have a fear of saying something controversial. I have a fear of saying something wrong. I have a fear of being judged as fluffy and without depth. I have a fear of people attacking my view. I have a fear of confrontation online and in person.
Read MoreI have been sensing this message for quite some time but only today I felt called to put it down on paper as well as make it public. Hoping it resonates and inspires you to go deeper within yourself as well as have a different experience when listening or sharing stories.
Read MoreI feel that this has been coming together for some time. Back in July, I received a clear message that I must write more, that I must share my ‘voice’.
I started writing more social media posts, exploring expressing myself and what I was experiencing with the written word.
The message to write and share my ‘voice’ continued to show up in many ways in the months after. I carried on writing.
Read MoreA poem I wrote on Sadness.
I was sitting on the sofa. The word sadness jumped into my awareness. I knew I had to do something with it. I delayed taking any action for a little while, seeking a distraction, yet I knew that the word was still there, patiently waiting for me to grab some pen and paper. Finally I do and this is what comes out…
In this short post, I share a series of podcasts that have been filling my cup recently. I wanted you to also have access to them in the hope they may come to you in the same way they came to me and bring you what they are bringing me.
Who is inspiring you at the moment?
Read MoreAt the beginning of November I attended a Vipassana Meditation 10 day Silent Retreat. I have made a video where I share about my experience. Hope you enjoy it!
Read MoreI would now like to talk about support. A few weeks back I wrote a post ‘Who am I’ (https://www.pelagiapais.com/blog/2018/9/12/who-am-i) telling my story so far. It is a long post and right at the end I added this bit that follows. It feels really vulnerable to ask for support and I have a fear of being judged for this, but I feel it is time to ask for support following my dream, because I do not have to do this on my own.
Read MoreThese are some of the words and phrases that have come up in my life in moments where I needed them the most. Maybe you will find them helpful.
Do you have any words or favourite quotes?
The other day I noticed something in my body. As I was walking, I noticed that my hand was closed and my thumb was tucked in with my fingers holding it safe. The first time I noticed and realised the reason for walking with this hand position was back in 2016 and I realised, through a series of events, self-enquiry and what was happening then, that this meant I was feeling anxious. To notice my body doing this again after a few years of not doing it, raised alarm bells for me. What part of me was feeling anxious and why was I not aware of it?...
Read MoreYesterday, a friend of mine sent me a blog post entitled: 'The Myth of the 'Too-Much' Woman' by Sophie Bashford. You can read it yourself here: https://www.sophiebashford.com/new-blog/2017/7/4/the-myth-of-the-too-much-woman.
My response to my friend was: 'Sooo good! It was like a salve reading it.' It felt that I was reading these words at exactly the right time for me and I feel that what I share next, is a direct result of the words from the blog post as well as the discussion I had with a male friend on this same topic...
Read More
